Beautiful Virgin Islands

Tuesday, Jul 22, 2025

How to tell your kids you can't — or won't — afford everything they want

How to tell your kids you can't — or won't — afford everything they want

Instead of spending a fortune on holiday gifts and experiences, take your children to volunteer. It will help kickstart an important conversation.

Earlier this year, 8-year-old Frances, was trying to persuade her mom to let her go to a summer camp popular amongst her classmates. When her mom, Jennifer Gee, said no, Frances burst out: "Why are we so poor?!"

The Toronto mom of two was shocked. Gee had grown up with a single mom and without a lot of money. How could Frances think they were poor? Gee and her partner own a home, they have food on the table, and they had even planned to take Frances and her brother to a drive-through Christmas lights experience for the holidays! 

The camp that caused this outburst costs $4,000 a week. Though Frances, whose name has been changed to protect her privacy, attends a French public school in Toronto, it's in an affluent neighborhood, where Gee says half the kids have nannies. 

Gee and her family don't live in this affluent neighborhood, but are zoned for that French public school. Gee is a school chaplain. Her partner lost his job during the pandemic, and hasn't found the same kind of secure job to replace it. 

"We don't have a nanny, but that doesn't mean that we're poor. There's something in the middle," Gee says. "[Frances] sees the disparity in some cases between what we're able to afford and what her friends' parents are able to afford."

Gee knew she needed to start talking to Frances about money and class, even if Frances is only 8.


Talk about money at the grocery store


Though 83% of American parents believe it's their responsibility to talk to their kids about money, 31% of them never do it. 

Parents often feel that money conversations are awkward, scary, and can seem "too adult" for kids — especially ones in elementary school, according to Ed Grocholski, chief marketing officer at Junior Achievement USA, an organization that teaches financial literacy, entrepreneurship, and work readiness. But kids don't necessarily feel the same.

"With inflation, some of the research we've done is that rising prices are top-of-mind for kids," Grocholski says.

He recommends that parents start talking about money when kids bring it up. Though asking to go to $4,000 camps isn't the norm, money does come up when grocery shopping or buying gifts for the holidays.

Gee is doing just this. She started showing Frances the family's grocery bill every week to show her how much things cost. When Frances saw the $135 grocery bill, she couldn't believe how high the amount was! 

I, on the other hand, couldn't believe how low the amount was! A Canadian family of four typically spends $287 a week on groceries.

Gee says she has always been an avid couponer and price matcher, which is how she keeps her bill so low. She even showed Frances where she used coupons to save money (which also helps Frances with her math skills). 

"I grew up with that scarcity mentality I don't want my kids to have," Gee says. "But we are also hoping that this teaches her that money is finite."


Parents face pressure to give their kids holiday 'experiences'


During the height of the pandemic, 23% of parents with kids under 18 felt the need to overspend to give their children the best holidays.

According to Gee, this feeling hasn't gone away.

She says that the holidays now aren't just presents and sitting on Santa's lap for a quick photo — they're filled with "experiences." Drive-through holiday light displays are popular these days, which cost around $30 per car. Toronto malls offer "Santa experiences," where kids take their classic Santa photo, but also get to make a gingerbread house and write a letter to the North Pole. These cost between $20 to $45.

"You're mindful that saving money for you is also potentially taking away an experience for your kids," Gee says.


Volunteering can be the antidote to holiday spending pressure


Between the holiday experiences and the presents, it all adds up. Many parents know they can't afford it anymore.

Gee says she's noticed an openness around money between parents in the past six months. Parents she barely knows are talking to her in the school parking lot and at activities about how the price of keeping their kids busy is getting to be too much.

Geleen Donovan, Family Promise of Union County's executive director, recommends that parents replace these activities with volunteering. Family Promise's mission is to end and prevent homelessness. Donovan works with many volunteers to help these families who are in poverty. She sees a major perspective shift in kids when they start to volunteer.

"The volunteer activity will cost nothing and will bring so much reward," Donovan says. "I really think it's a good antidote."

Donovan believes in practicing "radical compassion." She thinks that volunteering will help parents and kids see how well off they truly are — even if they can't afford every holiday activity. 

Gee has been setting this type of example for Frances. As a school chaplain, she's in charge of raising the funds to buy gift cards for 40 low-income families for Christmas. Now that Frances knows what their family spends on groceries every week, Gee asks her to help figure out how much they need to feed 40 families. 

Once again, Frances is aghast at the thousands of dollars it costs to feed people. Gee says she's starting to see the concept of money and privilege click for Frances. It's been helpful for her as a parent, too.

"You remind yourself that it doesn't actually matter," Gee says. "They'll be fine without the gingerbread house with Santa."

Newsletter

Related Articles

Beautiful Virgin Islands
0:00
0:00
Close
Japanese Prime Minister Vows to Stay After Coalition Loses Upper House Majority
Pogacar Extends Dominance with Stage Fifteen Triumph at Tour de France
CEO Resigns Amid Controversy Over Relationship with HR Executive
Man Dies After Being Pulled Into MRI Machine Due to Metal Chain in New York Clinic
NVIDIA Achieves $4 Trillion Valuation Amid AI Demand
US Revokes Visas of Brazilian Corrupted Judges Amid Fake Bolsonaro Investigation
U.S. Congress Approves Rescissions Act Cutting Federal Funding for NPR and PBS
North Korea Restricts Foreign Tourist Access to New Seaside Resort
Brazil's Supreme Court Imposes Radical Restrictions on Former President Bolsonaro
Centrist Criticism of von der Leyen Resurfaces as she Survives EU Confidence Vote
Judge Criticizes DOJ Over Secrecy in Dropping Charges Against Gang Leader
Apple Closes $16.5 Billion Tax Dispute With Ireland
Von der Leyen Faces Setback Over €2 Trillion EU Budget Proposal
UK and Germany Collaborate on Global Military Equipment Sales
Trump Plans Over 10% Tariffs on African and Caribbean Nations
Flying Taxi CEO Reclaims Billionaire Status After Stock Surge
Epstein Files Deepen Republican Party Divide
Zuckerberg Faces $8 Billion Privacy Lawsuit From Meta Shareholders
FIFA Pressured to Rethink World Cup Calendar Due to Climate Change
SpaceX Nears $400 Billion Valuation With New Share Sale
Microsoft, US Lab to Use AI for Faster Nuclear Plant Licensing
Trump Walks Back Talk of Firing Fed Chair Jerome Powell
Zelensky Reshuffles Cabinet to Win Support at Home and in Washington
"Can You Hit Moscow?" Trump Asked Zelensky To Make Putin "Feel The Pain"
Irish Tech Worker Detained 100 days by US Authorities for Overstaying Visa
Dimon Warns on Fed Independence as Trump Administration Eyes Powell’s Succession
Church of England Removes 1991 Sexuality Guidelines from Clergy Selection
Superman Franchise Achieves Success with Latest Release
Hungary's Viktor Orban Rejects Agreements on Illegal Migration
Jeff Bezos Considers Purchasing Condé Nast as a Wedding Gift
Ghislaine Maxwell Says She’s Ready to Testify Before Congress on Epstein’s Criminal Empire
Bal des Pompiers: A Celebration of Community and Firefighter Culture in France
FBI Chief Kash Patel Denies Resignation Speculations Amid Epstein List Controversy
Air India Pilot’s Mental Health Records Under Scrutiny
Google Secures Windsurf AI Coding Team in $2.4 Billion Licence Deal
Jamie Dimon Warns Europe Is Losing Global Competitiveness and Flags Market Complacency
South African Police Minister Suspended Amid Organised Crime Allegations
Nvidia CEO Claims Chinese Military Reluctance to Use US AI Technology
Hong Kong Advances Digital Asset Strategy to Address Economic Challenges
Australia Rules Out Pre‑commitment of Troops, Reinforces Defence Posture Amid US‑China Tensions
Martha Wells Says Humanity Still Far from True Artificial Intelligence
Nvidia Becomes World’s First Four‑Trillion‑Dollar Company Amid AI Boom
U.S. Resumes Deportations to Third Countries After Supreme Court Ruling
Excavation Begins at Site of Mass Grave for Children at Former Irish Institution
Iranian President Reportedly Injured During Israeli Strike on Secret Facility
EU Delays Retaliatory Tariffs Amid New U.S. Threats on Imports
Trump Defends Attorney General Pam Bondi Amid Epstein Memo Backlash
Renault Shares Drop as CEO Luca de Meo Announces Departure Amid Reports of Move to Kering
Senior Aides for King Charles and Prince Harry Hold Secret Peace Summit
Anti‑Semitism ‘Normalised’ in Middle‑Class Britain, Says Commission Co‑Chair
×