Beautiful Virgin Islands

Monday, Oct 06, 2025

How much sex should you have? Sex therapists and research agree that once a week makes us happy, but we’re all different

People are having sex less often, and older and married couples are having even less, so how frequently should we get physical?. Research says once a week is a common baseline, but sex therapists say every couple is different

No matter your relationship status, sex remains a complicated – and often touchy – subject. Although no one wants to admit it, people across all demographics are spending less time in the sack.

For couples who live together, married couples, and older people in general, the decline in how much sex they have is even more staggering, according to a 2019 study of British adults and teens.

But how much sex should couples really be having? Research has shown that couples who have sex at least once a week are happier than their less-bedded counterparts. However, happiness levels don’t rise with more time spent under the sheets.

Still, that number doesn’t quite apply for everyone. And, ultimately, experts say how much sex a couple should be having depends on the couple. Once a week is a common baseline, experts say. That statistic depends slightly on age: 40- and 50-year-olds tend to fall around that baseline, while 20- to 30-year-olds tend to average around twice a week.

However, Dr Peter Kanaris, a clinical psychologist and sex therapist based in Smithtown, New York, warns that couples shouldn’t rely on the average as a metric for their own sex lives. He’s seen couples on every part of the sex spectrum, from those who have little to no sex to couples who have sex 12 to 14 times a week.

“What’s actually more important than for couples to get caught up in some statistical norm to match themselves to that is to look at this from a perspective of sexual satisfaction,” he says. “If a couple is sexually satisfied, then that’s the goal.”

Linda De Villers, a sex therapist and an adjunct professor of psychology and education at Pepperdine University in Miami, agrees.

“There’s a certain amount of motivation to feel normal, whatever that means,” she says. “You should be sexual as often as both you and your partner feel good … If you can say it was satisfying and fulfilling, that’s how often you should be sexual.”

Despite the prevailing idea that sex is spontaneous and fuelled by sudden desire, sex should be planned, De Villers says. “If people have kids or commitments, it’s really helpful to have some planned sex,” she says. “If you don’t have planned sex, you’re much more likely to have no sex.”

And besides, she points out, most sex is planned anyhow. For instance, she says, before you go on a date, you pull out all the stops to make yourself presentable for a prospective partner. “You had planned sex,” she says. “The evening usually culminates at a certain point, and you knew damn well it would.”

What if one person wants sex more than the other? That’s one of the most common problems Kanaris experiences in his line of work. It’s a problem that afflicts even the most successful couples, he says.

“When our intimate or sexual partner has low desire, it can be a blow to self-esteem and the ego of the other partner,” he says. Worse, he says, the other partner may “fill in the blank” as to what’s causing the lack of sexual desire in the worst ways, amplifying their own insecurities and possibly further inhibit communicating.

He advises couples engage in honest, transparent “intimate communication” about their sex lives if they’re feeling unsatisfied.
“In my experience, you can find couples who communicate very well about paying the mortgage, taking care of the kids and other issues, but may [have] very poor or absent communication in matters of intimacy or sexuality,” he says.

What’s key, says De Villers, is being communicative and expressive about what you want sexually. “It’s important to learn to be sexually assertive and have sexual agency,” she says. How else can you satisfy your partner? De Villers points out that there are plenty of other ways to have sex without, well, going the whole nine yards. “There are different kinds of sex that you can have,” she says. (Plus, they should be factored in the “how many times” conversation.)

Non-penetrative sexual activities, she says, are more likely to be pleasurable for both partners, especially for people who are in their 60s, 70s and 80s. This is also true for LGBT couples, who tend to have non-penetrative sexual activities more than their heterosexual counterparts, De Villers notes.

What factors could be contributing to a reduced sex drive? According to the British study, the “sheer pace of modern life” is a contributing factor for why couples are having less sex.

“The stress of modern life – just the day-to-day of how we live our lives – has a very negative impact on sexual desire,” Kanaris says. “Life moves in our modern age so much faster tan as recently as 20 years ago, certainly 25 years ago.”

But Kanaris and De Villers also think there may also be individual and couple-specific factors that tend to be overlooked when couples evaluate their sex lives.

Medications, such as antidepressants, can inhibit libido. “Environmental comfort” may also be a factor. A bedroom that is too close to the children’s bedroom, or one that is not decorated to facilitate intimacy, may contribute to your partner not wanting to have sex.

Technology may also play a factor: De Villers says that playing with your phone while you’re with your partner detracts from your interactions, and makes for a worse sexual experience.

When should you go to an expert? This conversation can be very difficult to have. In cases where one-on-one dialogue is unproductive, seeking a third-party expert, such as a couples’ therapist or a sex therapist, may be beneficial.

“If it seems like the emotions are too strong, and there’s defensiveness, and paradoxically, rather than with your partner, it’s easier to have it with a stranger,” says Kanaris. “And that can make all the difference.”

There are both physical and psychological benefits to having regular sex. It helps sleep, it has cardiovascular benefits – according to a 2010 study, men with active sex lives are less likely to develop heart disease – and it has benefits for the prostate, says Kanaris.

Sex releases endorphins and creates a feeling of closeness between you and your partner, says Mary Andres, a University of Southern California professor in marriage and family therapy.

But not only does sexual intimacy foster a feeling of well-being, says Kanaris, it also can have positive effects for the immune system.

Newsletter

Related Articles

Beautiful Virgin Islands
0:00
0:00
Close
Trump Stands Firm in Shutdown Showdown and Declares War on Drug Cartels — Turning Crisis into Opportunity
Surge of U.S. Billionaires Transforms London’s Peninsula Apartments into Ultra-Luxury Stronghold
Pro Europe and Anti-War Babiš Poised to Return to Power After Czech Parliamentary Vote
Jeff Bezos Calls AI Surge a ‘Good’ Bubble, Urges Focus on Lasting Innovation
Japan’s Ruling Party Chooses Sanae Takaichi, Clearing Path to First Female Prime Minister
Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs Sentenced to Fifty Months in Prison Following Prostitution Conviction
Taylor Swift’s ‘Showgirl’ Launch Extends Billion-Dollar Empire
Trump Administration Launches “TrumpRx” Plan to Enable Direct Drug Sales at Deep Discounts
Trump Announces Intention to Impose 100 Percent Tariff on Foreign-Made Films
Altman Says GPT-5 Already Outpaces Him, Warns AI Could Automate 40% of Work
Singapore and Hong Kong Vie to Dominate Asia’s Rising Gold Trade
Trump Organization Teams with Saudi Developer on $1 Billion Trump Plaza in Jeddah
Manhattan Sees Surge in Office-to-Housing Conversions, Highest Since 2008
Switzerland and U.S. Issue Joint Assurance Against Currency Manipulation
Electronic Arts to Be Taken Private in Historic $55 Billion Buyout
Thomas Jacob Sanford Named as Suspect in Deadly Michigan Church Shooting and Arson
Russian Research Vessel 'Yantar' Tracked Mapping Europe’s Subsea Cables, Raising Security Alarms
New York Man Arrested After On-Air Confession to 2017 Parents’ Murders
U.S. Defense Chief Orders Sudden Summit of Hundreds of Generals and Admirals
Global Cruise Industry Posts Dramatic Comeback with 34.6 Million Passengers in 2024
Trump Claims FBI Planted 274 Agents at Capitol Riot, Citing Unverified Reports
India: Internet Suspended in Bareilly Amid Communal Clashes Between Muslims and Hindus
Supreme Court Extends Freeze on Nearly $5 Billion in U.S. Foreign Aid at Trump’s Request
Archaeologists Recover Statues and Temples from 2,000-Year-Old Sunken City off Alexandria
China Deploys 2,000 Workers to Spain to Build Major EV Battery Factory, Raising European Dependence
Speed Takes Over: How Drive-Through Coffee Chains Are Rewriting U.S. Coffee Culture
U.S. Demands Brussels Scrutinize Digital Rules to Prevent Bias Against American Tech
Ringo Starr Champions Enduring Beatles Legacy While Debuting Las Vegas Art Show
Private Equity’s Fundraising Surge Triggers Concern of European Market Shake-Out
Colombian President Petro Vows to Mobilize Volunteers for Gaza and Joins List of Fighters
FBI Removes Agents Who Kneeled at 2020 Protest, Citing Breach of Professional Conduct
Trump Alleges ‘Triple Sabotage’ at United Nations After Escalator and Teleprompter Failures
Shock in France: 5 Years in Prison for Former President Nicolas Sarkozy
Tokyo’s Jimbōchō Named World’s Coolest Neighbourhood for 2025
European Officials Fear Trump May Shift Blame for Ukraine War onto EU
BNP Paribas Abandons Ban on 'Controversial Weapons' Financing Amid Europe’s Defence Push
Typhoon Ragasa Leaves Trail of Destruction Across East Asia Before Making Landfall in China
The Personality Rights Challenge in India’s AI Era
Big Banks Rebuild in Hong Kong as Deal Volume Surges
Italy Considers Freezing Retirement Age at 67 to Avert Scheduled Hike
Italian City to Impose Tax on Visiting Dogs Starting in 2026
Arnault Denounces Proposed Wealth Tax as Threat to French Economy
Study Finds No Safe Level of Alcohol for Dementia Risk
Denmark Investigates Drone Incursion, Does Not Rule Out Russian Involvement
Lilly CEO Warns UK Is ‘Worst Country in Europe’ for Drug Prices, Pulls Back Investment
Nigel Farage Emerges as Central Force in British Politics with Reform UK Surge
Disney Reinstates ‘Jimmy Kimmel Live!’ after Six-Day Suspension over Charlie Kirk Comments
U.S. Prosecutors Move to Break Up Google’s Advertising Monopoly
Nvidia Pledges Up to $100 Billion Investment in OpenAI to Power Massive AI Data Center Build-Out
U.S. Signals ‘Large and Forceful’ Support for Argentina Amid Market Turmoil
×